This started off as a series of tweets I posted. While the rest of the church seems to be focused on the impending doom of the non-rapture (Rapture Fail; Maggi Dawn), I got to thinking how the whole process of making clergy appointments could be “improved” if it were more like how footballers are transferred between clubs.
- The Church Times would have to have a gossip column to cover all the “information” flying about.
- As Petertide (hereafter to be called Licensing Deadline Day) approached each year, the number of curates spotted near Archdeacons’ houses would steadily increase. Every time a Team Vicar was spotted having a coffee in a parish other than their own, the phones would start to ring too.
- The church press would be awash with patrons issuing statements to quash rumours of impending interregnums. “We have full confidence in Steve as vicar of St Martha in the Marsh and expect him to see out at least the term of his license”.
- The latest press scandal makes a splash as the CEN report that the Church Times has been hacking Bishops’ phones. The story quickly dies though as the fact that no-one in the church is sufficiently able technically to guess someone’s password becomes clear.
- Parishioners of parishes in vacancy would be the regular subject of vox-pops asking who they’d like to see “up-front” next.
- Best of all, clergy houses would be a lot bigger. And they’d all be in Cheshire, making Chester the church’s largest diocese by clergy numbers.
Now it’s over to you – leave a comment: If clergy were like footballers…